What impact do you hope to have on the world?

365 QOTD
What impact do you hope to have on the world?

After last night's event, this is a very timely question. I just want to be remembered to be someone who inspired others to do whatever they dream of, as long as it is for a good cause. I want to be one of the many who just wants to make the world a better place for everyone. A place where respect for one's individuality and contributions are valued in a shared space.

It was a supposed to be one of the first special Saturday nights.

After work, we all said our parting pleasantries and onto my bike, I hopped in and waited for the green signal light. And so it did. I put a little more energy on the pedals as I wanted to come home sooner and not be late for the next train, coz I still needed to drop my workbag and grab my weekender bag.

Halfway crossing the lane, a car suddenly appeared somewhere, not stopping or maybe it did a full-stop before the front part of the car touched the side of my body. I wasn't aware anymore if I tipped off my bike a little to the opposite direction so the car won't hit me. I remember doing a quick glance at the stoplight, just to check if I did it right. It was green.

Next thing I know, I am on the ground. My bike and my bag are scattered in the middle of the road, someone was holding my head and my legs, telling me not to move. I heard Eloisa asking me to unlock my phone, so she can make a phone call. I can't remember standing up but she said I stood up. An ambulance was coming then I was put in a stretcher and I was calling my Yoshi, I remember saying, " I got hit by a car." He said I called multiple times. I can't remember anymore.

At the emergency room, I remember someone telling me of an xray. Then, I don't know what else. As soon as I saw Eloisa, I immediately hugged her and I started wailing. Then, I saw Yoshi, I think I cried once more holding on to him.

I saw our Shitencho, my colleagues, my Tita Gladys and I remember not letting go of Yoshi.

Tita Gladys drove us to my home. Yoshi ordered the pizza that we all shared for dinner. Eloisa was retelling the events as it happened in front of her eyes. I know that its something hard for her as well since she lost her mom in a car accident. Tita Gladys was there trying to get to know Yoshi. It wasn't the kind of event I would like to introduce them to one another, but it can't be helped. A video call from my family back home and I introduced Yoshi to my sister and my mother. Introducing him to my father is another gameplan.

I thought of posting it on Facebook just because I wanted to let the world know that I am grateful for every person that I am surrounded with. Not realizing that far across borders of distance, friendships and political alliances, people will take time to say they care and they prayed. Little words that mean so much.

I still can't figure out what have I done to be blessed with so many kind and wonderful people around me. My colleagues and local friends in Miyazaki who told me that I can always tap their shoulders if I needed some help and to check on me if I am doing well.

To Yoshi, this wasn't the kind of a budding romance I thought of having with him, but it seems like he got to see through me first at my unfortunate events and he was there to make sure that I am doing okay as I get through it. It's a tough start and I promise that it aint a series of it.

A new day starts tomorrow, I got a lot of pending tasks to do. Gotta keep moving forward. It was such an event on my life to remember.

What is your current account balance?

365 QOTD
What is your current account balance?

Oh. That is difficult to answer.
For one, I have several bank accounts. LOL.
Second, I really don't have that much.
Aside from a very small stocks portfolio and balanced-funding insurance policy, all I have are savings accounts that doesn't really much in it. Just enough for me to get through life and make sure that I save a little for the future.

Today, though I still have flu and little bit of a bad throat, I felt way better than yesterday.

I also tried to finish writing a case study for one of my subjects in MA class but I am not really satisfied with it, I am having this speculation that my teacher would be returning it to be for revamp and all the necessary changes. If I will have difficulty passing this subject, I would understand. But definitely, I would never give up on it. Little steps. Little steps.

I had a great night with my Japanese friends. We did our English chat a little different than usual. Mr. Y organized the event in his new house, so it appeared like a EnglishChatXHousewarming, since it was a new house he had just acquired.

Everybody had a good time. We had food, drinks and booze. It is really amazing how people tend to let loose when alcohol kicks in their veins-- the silent becomes chatty, the taboo topics become conversation topics and the just lots of laughing and spilling out of questions and answers with no holds barred. If only we can all be that honest on a daily basis without alcohol, I think things would flow more smoothly and fairly for every body.

There are certain life decisions I had recently made out of intuition and I still trying to test the waters. As always, gotta prepare for the worst. But for now, everything seems to flow smoothly and I am thankful.


"Pupusta ko, hindi ka na babalik ng Pilipinas."

This is what my friend told me after we did an almost half-day walkathon at the mall and several shops in the city. But his goal is just to buy fish sauce and bagoong isda, as part of his kitchen condiments.

He has been one of the few people I can talk about how much I seemingly can't comprehend what is going on in the Philippines. From drug war to anti-intellectualism and smart-shaming, I just can't imagine.

He talked about brain drain. People are leaving. Intellects and skilled workers choose to leave the country and work in another one because they can't get enough money in the motherland. The initial plan is always just...... work for a few years, make investments, save more money and come back to the PH for good. Though it happened for some, most people who chose to work overseas, had chosen to come back to PH in their retirement age. The age wherein the society hasn't a lot of gain from them. I told him I will come back. Then he retaliated me with situations of me finding a foreigner husband whom would definitely alter future decisions.

Then, I realized, brain drain is real. Among my friends, only a few chose to work for the government and not even working full-time but on project-based ones because they don't want to be tied up to the government and will still pursue studies abroad. A few of us are already abroad, two among them are taking up Masteral studies in prestigious universities while I work and still pursue distance learning from the flagship university of our motherland.

So far, a few things keep me grounded in PH. My family. My studies. My defiance of the EJK. The Lumads and the minority groups fleeing the war in Mindanao.

All of which, I get to support because I am earning more than I had in PH. And if I come back and work at this current state, I don't know where I will start over again. 

Philippines will always be my home. But then, if home isn't really nurturing me anymore, it's about time to step up my game and put in the bag all the things that inspire me to move forward and keep on aiming to find the better me.

One day, I will come back, hoping that I can make a difference.

Did you do more talking or listening today?

365 QOTD

Did you do more talking or listening today?

I hope I did more listening today.

Today was a rare occasion that I initiated the video conference with my siblings. It is usually them who call me. Also, most of the time, I talk to my mom and my 2 younger sister. I rarely get the chance to talk to Doydoy in a separate occasion.

Tonight, since Bebs was at work and Nali was probably still on the way home from school, Doydoy and I got to talk. I asked him how he is and how is his review days going. He said he needs a camera phone, a good one. He was using my older brother’s iPhone but when he connected it to his laptop, it reset, losing all his photos of the solutions he captured for the past few months of reviewing. He said he was able to revive half of it, but the rest were nowhere to be retrieved. Then, he asked if he can get a loan from me, I asked why. He said he needs a good phone, I said, I can give him money to buy phone and he doesn't need to pay me back. After all, I actually plan to give him my new phone when I come home in December. I told him, I will double his allowance and he doesn't need to pay me back for it.

                  Then out of the blue he asked “Pano maging successful Ate? Bakit ikaw, kapag may gusto ka, na-aachieve mo kagad? Eh ako, ang tagal nang panahon, di pa rin ako makatapos dito. Akala ko yung Accountancy, matipid na course, pero ngayon, andami ko nang gastos. Kinakabahan pa kong baka di ako makapasa ngayon.”

                  I actually don’t know how to answer that. I never realized that he sees me as someone successful when I, myself, still feel that I am a long way to go from what I really want for my family and myself. Then, I told him, “Bat naman hindi ka papasa? Dahil lang wala kang magandang camphone? Excuse na lang yan. Wag kang ganyan. Naniniwala kami sayong makakapasa ka, kaya believe in yourself. Kapag hindi ka naman nakapasa agad, eh di re-take pa rin kung gusto mo pa. Ganun lang yun. Tulungan lang tayo.”

                  I told him, I owe him. Because when we were younger, he had to sacrifice his own future to work and send money for my college allowance and that delayed him from getting a bachelor degree sooner. And now, if there is a way to give him whatever he needs, I would gladly do so.

                  I told him to enroll in a gym coz he is really fat and the idle days at home are making him think unnecessary thoughts. Funny how he put value to his belly fat. He said, “Pinangarap ko kaya to. Ang payat-payat ko dati diba? Ngayon, sumobra naman.”

                  Maybe, I still did a lot of talking today, and I hope I had said the right words. If there is one thing good that moving overseas did to me, it is that I had grown closer to my siblings and that no amount of sadness and homesickness can make me regret my decisions coz I know that I have a wonderful family worth sacrificing for.