Buckle Up, Kat


There is this attempt to work on a paper slowly but surely, but for this one subject, I can’t seem to do that. It is supposed to have been an essay I should have completed 3 weeks ago but I had never took an effort to write it until tonight coz it's due tomorrow. 

I had told myself that I need to improve my study habits and focus, lessen the scrolling on social media and read more relevant articles, research papers and write slowly.

At first, my excuse was, I am having a hard time coz the digitized copies are straining my eyes so much, I needed to get new glasses. And I did. I just got new specs last weekend.

Another excuse was, since the copies are digital, I needed a printer, and a good friend was very kind enough to lend me a printer unit! How nice, right?!

Also, since my laptop is old, mid-2009 model made, a Core2Duo, it takes almost forever to launch a software and that makes me lose my focus. I can’t afford to get a new one soon, and I really don’t think it is a valid excuse.

I have been putting up so many excuses for myself. I have brought this challenge to myself and it will be unfair to fail myself just because I got lazy. It will be unfair for my hard-earned money to be put to waste just because I can't put up with my old laptop. I worked hard for all of these.

So, after this procrastination stint, I need to be better. Can't afford to submit shitty case studies.

There will be no one to remind me, but myself.

So, Dearydear Meow, please buckle up before circumstances unintentionally whip you into shape. You wouldn’t want to learn from experience, besides, haven’t you had enough lessons on procrastination and delaying tactics in the past?!

Enough. I gotta get back to writing.

What was the last gift you received?

365 QOTD
What was the last gift you received?

A chocolate bar from one of my students.

He said he flew to Tokyo and bought some omiyage.

--
2am and I just laid in bed. I had finished answering a question for 1 of the 2 discussion threads. I still have one to complete by tomorrow.

Submitted one of the major papers for this semester and I still have 6 to write about--- 2 case studies, 1 analysis paper, 1 online hunt report, 2 essays.

I never realized that it will be this hard. But if I give it time and sit down and work on it, I seem to be able to understand and provide answers to the study guide questions.

To make this endeavour really work and be fruitful, I really need to give up some things. Like, I had to limit my social media time, and online part time job. Going out to study has proven to be not so effective and expensive. With that, I just need to keep my home conducive to learning.

Still a long way to go. 2 more years of learning and understanding.

How old do you feel?

365 QOTD

How old do you feel?

I feel old yet I feel young.
I am caught in between the freedom brought by being single and that urge to be with someone. Most of my friends, at my age are already married and are already parents or on the way to being parents.

Had I not been working on papers for my own schooling, I probably would be sulking and stalking whoever online until I fall asleep, or would be reading not-so-helpful stuff online, worst, I probably would be reading articles about Duterte and posting tons of hate posts about him and his stupid fandom.


*****
It is National Holiday in Japan today but we got work from 9am-6pm. Not a bad schedule, today was one of those days that I felt like a normal employee like before. I was able to get out of the office just about when the sun is about to set. Felt good.

After work, as promised, I met with my Japanese friends who offered to either pay me small amount of money per hour or dinner for an English conversation, of course, I chose the moolah! Hahahaha! It will be additional emergency funds and/or funds for pasalubong for family when I get back home. I have no idea how these kind of things operate but I am happy to be able to chat with them. Most of the time, they know the words to use but just very hesitant to speak. I actually don't have to teach them anything, they know how to use the language, it's just the lack of confidence that really hinders them. With this type of conversation, I get to learn about the culture, the people around me and expands my network as well.

After that, impulsive shopping strikes in again. I dropped by at Maxvalu for rice and other food supply. Hopefully enough to get me through the week.
******

My brain really starts working at late nights and very early mornings. Like tonight, I started on my paper at around 11pm and just finished a few minutes ago. I feel very exhausted though I haven't done much physical activities.

Tita was very, very kind enough to check on my paper before I submit it this coming Friday. She even asked for the transcriptions of the data for the other two papers coz she is in the mainland for training and would have internet access so we can talk about my papers.

******

So much stuff to do and so many things to read. Goodnight for now!

My fave drink at the cafe- ginger ale :) 

What went perfectly about your day?

Dinner break in between study times. 
365 QOTD

What went perfectly about your day?

I was woken up by a morning phone call from family.
I was able to get caught up with a friend for an almost 3 hour video chat.
I was able to study, a bit.
I was able to do some grocery shopping.

The best part was that conversation with my friend reminding me to save up for rainy days. I really appreciate him checking on me if I were able to save up and how my spending habits have been coz I'm really having a hard time figuring out what to do and how to deal with stuff. He was also able to walk me through how to use the Abema TV on my chrome cast.

My aunt was also kind enough to check my recent paper for one of my subjects and since she will be in the mainland for the week, she is also asking if I can send her the transcriptions for the other two papers I intend to write for the other subject.

******

Tonight's dinner was the no-sweat prep tuna in olive oil pasta with salad on the side.
******

I think,  I am really better off to just be single and be surrounded with good people.

Oh life. Why do I even have to feel this way?

The computer I used the most is....

365 QOTD

The computer I use the most is my Macy.

It's my very old MacBook white I got as secondhand many many years ago from someone I used to know.

It's been with me for almost 5 years now. And maybe as a reward to myself, I ought to buy a brand new MacBook air laptop :) Soon, baby, soon.

*****
There has been a lot of tension between Ms. E and I after work. You know that kind of person who isn't sensitive enough about other people's situation. That's what she has been. Talking so much even though the manager has been telling her indirectly that she needs to shut up and do her thing silently. Hayst. She was even asked if she can write it down and then she could just give it to her because the manager have a lot of things to do and can't think anymore but she kept on talking the whole hour! It was just so frustrating that I had to go out of the room just so I could find some peace.

She even tried to confront me about it but wouldn't listen so there was no point of talking. I just needed the peace moment.

Then, checked out today's news only to know that Commission on Human Rights got a meager budget of PHP 1000. How can that even defend the lowest rank of human rights? Also talk about people who would blabber nonsense and then realized its nonsense and then delete it? Ugh.


My life would have been easier ___________.

365 QOTD
My life would have been easier ___________.

If I only have one point of interest in my life. It will be easy to focus on what to do and prioritize. But that is not my kind of life.

*****
I didn't get to update my critique paper this morning after discovering that my fridge wasn't working. Had to call the service center who had to put me on hold for a many times coz the person on the other line is afraid that we may have an understanding. Though even before that, I had prepared the few Japanese words I anticipated to use for the conversation. Oh well, at least they were able to confirm that they will have the ref replaced on Sunday morning, all good still.

I finally figured out which book to use for the basis of how my 2 case studies will be designed. So, yeah, more reading days and nights to come.

My friend invited me to a ballroom tutorial session on Sunday night, oh well, that's is how I roll now, I go dancing. LOL.

News from home are all FU and there is this guy FB friend who would only comment whenever I say something against his almighty president. I didn't even put anything offensive on my post, but he would always comment with SMH and hostility. Whatever happened to Unfollow Button if you don't wanna see my post or Unfriend if he really is affected by my shits in life. But of course, I will not even retaliate or show any evidence that I give a damn. Coz, I really don't. BURN. HUBRIS.

The Way I See It


This is us now, Philippines.
Nothing but keyboard warriors.
While we let the real Berdugo wipe out the more innocent lives. The real hope. The real entity of the Filipino our heroes of the past had long built--the innocent, industrious, young and hopeful…
********

Every morning, I am trying to work on my output for my Foundations of Reading as part of my MA class. Little by little, I try to go back to our readings and incorporate those what I have learned for the day to my paper. But still not enough. ANG HIRAP MGA BES!

It made me think about how social media drastically changed our reading comprehension and information processing from critical thinkers to violent reactors, yes I myself included.

On DU30 and Friends.
Every day, as I drown myself into social media and it’s a struggle to get out of, I get to realize how much our society is going down just because our schemata of common good and leadership had changed to become so shallow and violent. I could even out a subschema of fear into it. That war on drugs includes EJK and that includes innocent young people. Fake news and blogging is considered news. People had grown this habit of posting their speculations and comments that would hurt others, and smart-shaming and give justification that it is freedom of speech.

On Kita Kita Movie
We let “hugots” succumb our emotions and we saw love as a combination of an ugly and martyr, we failed to see the stalker in the man and the recklessness of the girl. This one, I got to realize after having a conversation with a Filipino guy I just met for the first time here in Miyazaki.

I miss my friends whom I can have discussions about books and their implications in life, how our society is changing and what can we do to make it a better place, the dreamy days of making classrooms safe and a haven for every child.

I am one of those Filipinos who decided to look for greener pastures outside the Philippines coz, every day, it breaks my heart to see how our society is deteriorating and my little ways aren’t enough to make it a better place. I didn’t realize that the heartbreak is of the same intensity as I watch it from afar, including the fear for my own loved ones.

It’s a struggle to convince myself to read journals, handbooks and academic references, reading more and more makes me realize how little I know, makes me so thirsty of knowledge and greedy to learn more, but my body and motivation is still limited. Gapang kung gapang.  

No doubt that we are literate readers, but the value we put on processing the things we decided to put effort and energy to read is what matters. We need to think deeper, way deeper than our emotions. We actually need to level it up to our brains.


*****
With that, in mind, mas gusto ko na lang basahin yung Cosmos by Carl Sagan, which is part of one of the articles we read for this week.

Ang sakit lang po sa puso ng mga kaganapan sa Pilipinas. Ingat po kayong lahat na nandyan!

The last doctor's appointment you made was because _____________________.

365 QOTD
The last doctor's appointment you made was because _____________________.

It was because I needed to get medical clearance after I arrived here in Miyazaki as part of my employment pre-requisite. 


*******
Woke up at 7am as expected and was able to transcribe a 15-minute close reading video that I chose for my reading critique paper. Though I still don't know where I will start with it, I am getting started somewhere. Little step. Little steps. 

Work was quite alright. The boss was a bit understanding knowing that I am reading school materials while at work. 

My front tooth jacket needs to be checked by a dentist. It is becoming annoyingly painful and I am not sure how long will I be able to put it off my schedule. I have a very low tolerance of pain.

I started reaching out to my classmates through Moddle App how I we would get through one of the 2 subjects that we have this semester. Everything is a blur and I am really swimming in some kind of quicksand and if I just keep moving without direction, I might just drown myself.  I felt relieved that they are responsive and that is quite a consolation to know that not only me is having a hard time with everything that is happening with that subject. 

I cooked dinner. Apparently, I missed moving around the kitchen. I haven't done my grocery for the week yet, but I am hoping to get it done by Thursday. 

I bought two books by Carl Sagan via amazondotjp coz, they are way, way cheaper that I had ever imagined, secondhand books are cheaper and usually, full of surprises ;) I had to think deep if I want to buy the Viktor Frankl book, Man's Search for Meaning, too. Hahahaha. With all the modules and additional readings I had to do for acads, I can't imagine how would I even start reading these books for pleasure! 

I repotted my little cacti family and they are now sitting prettily in my little study table. My brother suggested that I also look for a bonsai'd mother-in-law-tongue plant that I can include in my collection.

Hmm.. I really am getting old. I am starting to like plants, cooking and groceries. 

Where would you like to go?

365 QOTD

Where would you like to go?

I want to go to Europe. I want to see castles and dungeons and cobblestones and old things and museums. I don't know but I am fascinated by these kinds of things-- history, old-fashioned lifestyle and just the peace and silence that comes with the exhibits.

****
Monday has been the kind of day I could wish any work day would be. People at work are calm with not so much pressure about sales and other money-related concerns. I was also able to do quick readings in between classes.

The bookmarks my friend had collected for me from parts of the world have also arrived in the mail today-- from NYC, NZ and SG. I started collecting bookmarks 2 years ago when I realized that I have no collections of whatsoever. I am not a fan of ref magnets and other trinkets that would just pile up in a corner and had no functional value for a long time. Thus, I had collected keychains and bookmarks. From friends, I ask for bookmarks then as for me, I try to find Hello Kitty keychains from places I had visited here in Japan. 

I finished a module for one of my subjects in MA class as a prerequisite for a paper that I have to start writing tomorrow. I have been neglecting the other subject that I know needs more of my attention, so tomorrow morning, I will work on it as well. I never thought that it is this difficult. Well, I am enrolled to the best school in my country, and so, for sure, they expect nothing but the best from their students. The major struggle isn't really with what I study but with finding the time and encouragement to keep reading and thinking. Work is a major time-consuming factor. But I can't complain. I chose this for myself. I wanted this, I just really hope that I will have that same motivation until I get my diploma in two years.

I can't help but feel happy when I get to receive random messages.

The piano piece The River Flows in You by Yiruma played on my playlist just a few minutes when I was almost finished with studying. I couldn't but just stop and listen. I don't know why, but there is something with that musical piece that consumes me and mesmerizes me. Maybe its the sadness and longing.

Still, I am going to bed with a grateful heart. 

What was the most recent thing you've learned?

365 QOTD
What was the most recent thing you've learned?

* Today, I met with my mentee via Skype and I learned that I should never set the same expectations I had made for myself, to others.
* No drinking until papers are finished.
* If I really want to get things done, I really should realize my priorities and focus.


************

I got caught up with the latest Game of Thrones episodes as of today.

One thing I noticed about myself while watching the 3 episodes is that I don't look away from bloody scenes anymore. I stare straight on the screen. That twisted feeling on my stomach whenever I see a spurt of blood, death or any violent scenes, is gone. What has changed?

Highball and modules go well together

365 QOTD
What decision you wish you didn't have to make?

Hmmm.. How would I incorporate the house chores in my day. As a single lady, who is studying and working at the same time, also living alone, trying incorporate all these things in my day is tiring. I wish I can have more time in studying than thinking about what would I eat, how would I budget money, shopping clothes that would be flexible for use for different occasions, when should I do the laundry....

Though studying and work are my priorities, I can't just compromise my personal needs. So, I also have to take time to make sure that these things are properly attended to because, it would affect my work, my way of thinking and my health.

But really my wish is..... I wish I can come home to someone on a weekend, prepare and eat dinner together, talk about each other's day over wine, plan how to spend the weekend---cuddle or adventure,  have mind-blowing sex, then have a sound sleep and wake up to a beautiful morning and be productive citizens again. Then just keep repeating that cycle.


*******
I planned to study at work but since we have a new hire, that took most of my time entertaining the new guy and how to go about the work stuff and teaching kids.

Going home for lunch saves me time to prepare my obento and makes my bag lighter too! Since the weather is getting colder, I find it as a good exercise and getaway from toxic elements at work for an hour as well.

Highball and modules go well together, but can't really have it always like that. I still prefer the not so cozy ambiance of McDonalds as it gives me that urgency to just keep going with my goals for the night. Plus, it's a good venue for people-watching :)

Tomorrow is Saturday, nothing new. Sunday, I have a mentoring program scheduled in the morning and I haven't even looked into the manuals and sheets they had forwarded. I don't know what to tell the upcoming graduates whom I will talk to on Sunday. Hahahaha.

It's starting to get colder and the graduate school thingy was a good thing to keep me busy.

おやすみなさい。

Through It All Cover Song






Through It All
Keiko Necesario

You know I hate it sometimes
Whenever I don't get much of your time
But I can take it, Oh I'll

Take the bullet everytime
I swear I don't mind

It's funny
How I would always end up in this kind of story
But don't you worry
Cause I know that I am ready
I'm ready to rise and fall,
Be there for you through it all

Ladam, dadam, dada, Ladadadam

I see you on the other side
With you, there's really nothing much I can hide
You're looking right into my soul
Take my everything 'cause they are yours to hold

Maybe this is beautiful and sometimes kinda scary
But isn't it worthy to believe in possibilities?
I'm ready to rise and fall be there for you through it all

La la la la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la la la,

La la la la la la la

It's funny
How I would always end up in this kinda story
But don't you worry

Cause I know that I am ready
I'm ready to rise and fall,
Be there for you through it all
Maybe
this is beautiful and sometimes kinda scary
But isn't it worthy to believe in possibilities?
I'm ready to rise and fall,
Be there for you through it all
I'm ready to rise and fall,
I'll be there for you through it all
Ohh ohh ohh mmm