Liebster Award.

Makiki-Liebster Award muna ko. Ni-tag ako ni Papi June of Life and Spices.

Eto pala yun.

Here are the rules:

1. Link the blog that nominated you for the award.
2. Answer the 11 questions given to you.
3. Create 11 questions for the people you nominate to answer.
4. Choose 11 bloggers to nominate who have less than 200 followers.
5. Let the people you have nominated know that you have done so.
6. You can't nominate the person who nominated you.

Here's what I got:

1// What's your dream destination and why? 
    Sa ngayon, gusto ko lang talaga makapunta ng Cambodia kasi di pa ako nakakapunta dun. Lols.. I'm amused by different cultures and Cambodia, as I see in magazine and Nat Geo, has a very rich and unique way of living. Super dream kong makasakay sa space shuttle at mag-ala Yuri Gagarin :)--- go around the world, above it, go on a bearhunt at makapag-selfie. lels..

2// Would you rather go shopping? or food trip? 

3// If given a chance, what Reality Show would you join to and why?
      Pinoy Dream Academy. Hmmm.. Love for music runs in the family pero I gave up on training at a very young age. Naalala ko nun, Paps sent me to piano lessons, and isang beses pa lang ako napagalitan, tsaka nakita ko kasi nung pukpukin yung kamay nung isang kasama ko sa session,  ayaw ko na bumalik. Then when my younger sisters started voice and piano lessons and knew how to read music notes, ngayon, self-learning sila sa pagtugtog ng violin. I am envious!!

4// Any actor/singer (local or foreign) that you hate the most?
        Im not really good at remembering names of actors and actresses at makakalimutin din ako sa mga eksena sa pelikula. Forgetful ako in general, so, wala. Besides, I don't linger on things and people I hate, that is a total drain of energy and positivity. Talking about them will help in making them sikat, eh I hate them nga diba? So bat ko sila gugustuhin sumikat? Eh bat andami ko nang nasabi...Hehe  

5// Full moon or Sunrise?
   When I was still studying, gustung-gusto kong mag-aral sa may terrace ng boardinghouse ko kasi tanaw ang bilog na buwan. But now that I am older, I appreciate watching sunrise more. Lalo na kapag nagcacamping and nasa beach. I really wake up very early in the morning to watch the sunrise.

6// Any TV series/movie/teleserye (past or present) that you would like to be a part of?
        FRINGE! I love the wittiness of Walter Bishop and I have a huge crush on Peter Walter. Gusto kong maging kasing-taba ang utak ko ng utak ni Olivia... Totoo bang may cortexiphan?

7// Would you like to change your eye color? What color would it be?
        Hmm.. Gusto ko ng green kasi andaling makita ng pagliit o paglaki ng pupil!  Pero hindi pala maganda kasi obvious kagad ang emotions.. Pero sige, makapagcontacts nga kung bagay :P 

8// If given a chance to go back in time and change your name, what would it be and why?
         Alex short for Alexandra. Ang sexy lang pakinggan, try mo, pronounce mo, sexy diba? :P 

9// One expensive material thing that you would like to have this year. 
         GoPro Camera siguro na yung medyo malapit pa sa katotohanan na budget ko yan. Pero kung yung expensive talaga at hindi na ko kakain, gusto ko ng Macbook. Pero yung totoo, Savings Account sa banko na maraming laman. Ang mahal na, ang hirap pa talaga i-achieve!

10/ Is there something that you would like to change from the past, wag maarte, alam ko meron.
          Meron syempre, pero ask me in person na lang :P Wag dito...

11/ What does the fox say and do you want to build a snowman?
          Wititit. Witchikels. Amchutard thinking. 

My 11 questions.....

1// Bakit ka nga ulit nagboblog? 
2// How do you mend a brokenheart?
3// Have you ever wondered kung bakit di ka crush ng crush mo? Anong napala mo sa pag-iisip? 
4// If you're not human, what are you? why? 
5// Tent Camping or Hotel staycation? Why?
6// Quickie or Take your time? Why?
7// What's the best lesson in life you've learned so far?
8// What's your ultimate goal this 2014?
9// What food do you hate the most?
10/ Coffee or tea?
11/ What is the Theme Song of your life?

Sana lang ay mga mapagpatol kayo, dinugo ang utak ko sa pag-iisip ng mga itatanong :P 

1// Jep Buendia
2// Papi Arvin
3// Mr. Tripster
4// Rix
5// Markybaby
6// DadiJay
7// Sepsep
8// Sir Jonathan
9// Josh
10/ Ms. B
11/ Cyron

You can either post your answers as comment or make a post same as what I did.

Randomthoughts: It Gets Better and Better

Friday. 1.24.2014, Free Period.
Start Time: 7:20

For now, you are planting seeds.
The first year years of teaching is a roller coaster ride and I can tell that you are on the lowest part of that ride, but as we always tell the others, it gets better.

These are the words Dr. Martin, of the Loyola Marymount University Dean of School of Education, who spoke to us last Sunday afternoon. Teaching for more than 25 years now. I still don’t know if I can stay that long in this profession.

How would I describe the past few weeks? Or just this week? Just like the others, my heart had reached it breaking point and I am on the verge of giving up. But, please tell me how can I give up on something and someone I love so much? I never thought that loving teaching would also mean loving the kids I teach. It came as a package deal.

Much as I wanted to blame the parents as to why their kids are like that, I know it’s not right. They are sending their kids to school that means they are doing something right for their kids. I wanted to blame their previous teachers, but it’s not right. They tried their best. I know they did. I want to believe they did because that’s their job. I want to blame the system, but would the system listen to my tiny voice? Who am I to say that this system sucks. Suddenly, I stopped finding who to blame and got back to work. I don’t want to be blamed, so I have to get back to work.

As the first year of my teaching culminates in two months, slowly drowning myself with all the disappointments gathered up on me, all I wanted to do is survive. I thought, I am already okay.  But I am not. This week was a hell lot like my first week in this school!!!!! Fighting kids left and right, parents coming over looking for the kid who broke her child’s arm, test papers coming unlimitedly, how many times do we have to be Dr. Data and Ms & Mr Magicians? how many tests in a span of two weeks?! How many “bilog na hugis itlog, do we have to shade?”, how many bath soaps do we have to line up for in the gym, which could have distributed inside the classroom, how many zeros and ones in a 5-item test do I have to record?! Ooopps. I am starting to count all the not-so good stuff here. Let me stop. I can’t remember the rest that’s why. There’s no point in remembering. It will break my heart, over and over again.

I texted my Mama, Papa and two sisters, “Please include me in your prayers. I am losing the love for what I do.” Then Papa texted, “Kasama kayo lagi sa mga panalangin ko.” I smiled and then my sister sent me pictures of our new cat sleeping on her lap. Then Bebang texted, “Ate, may work na ko!”. I cried, as always. I cried because I am happy. They are simply telling me to ignore the negative feelings I am having and just do what I do because at the end of the day, there is a family to come home to.

 “Have you signed your commitment letter for next school year?” I was asked last night.
“Not yet. But I will.”

It’s a roller coaster ride, remember? Then it gets better, remember?
So yes, I am completing this fellowship which I am halfway through. After this, will I still teach? Yes, because it gets better and better.

For now, ask me about my kids, and I will still happily share my stories… (Bipolar lang.) Hahahaha….

We are just planting seeds. The results will not be easily seen. It will be seen in the society later on. I pray. I pray. I can only pray for it to happen soon.

It’s the weekend. I can’t wait to see my family and friends. I can't wait to come home and hug Mama, pat Papa on the back (coz he isn't that much of a PDA), squeeze Jude and Sugar, wrestle with my younger brother and sing my heart out with my two younger sisters. I can’t wait to eat that isaw and run that 2.2 kilometer elliptical, tree-lined pathway and of course, hug my friends! 

Today is Friday, I can’t wait to get that salary from my part-time job, watch Bride For Rent, laugh with friends, guy-hunting, dance that 16-minute zumba dance and  finish Kafka on the Shore. No matter how sad my heart is, there will always be many things to smile about and look forward to.

End time: 8:45AM
Let me go back to recording the zeroes and the ones..... 

Series of Realizations on my First Year of Teaching in a Public School (Part 2)

WARNING: These are solely my thoughts and do not reflect that of others nor that of the organization I work with.

It is said that learning is influenced by two factors: Nature and Nurture. Sigmund Freud's psychoanalysis said that all human beings were born a tabula rasa or a blank slate. And that one's personality traits are influenced by family dynamics. Nurture pertains to the environment they are exposed to particularly in their formative years of development.

One of the best mode of learning is modelling and parents should be very conscious on how they deal with their children and how they act around them. Learning by example or mimicking is one of the best and most effective way of learning. The home as the primary institution where learning occurs. Before the kids meet teachers they are with parents first.

It is parents' responsibility to ensure that the kids they bear and born will be assets to society. Irresponsible parenthood is a mortal sin. I wish there are laws against it not just for domestic violence, child abuse and labor. Because those three will never occur if they know how to properly raise a family. More than love, willingness and personal evaluations, is it possiblr to set standards or trainings on how to be a responsible parent?

I don't know, I, myself, am personally scared if I will be able to perform tasks of an ideal wife and mother in the future. I just wanna point out that before starting a family one must be emotionally and financially stable to build a home. If you're not sure, use protection! Or don't do it at all. Know what it takes and be ready for what lies ahead. The child or children do not deserve to be in a home of hardship, deprived of nourishment, full of violence and lack of attention.

We all deserve to be happy from the instance we were born. If you're thinking of becoming a parent and not sure if you can give your future family a secured home, stop right there. Manage your present life first and give yourself some time to be ready.

I've said a lot. I'm not even a parent. Not just yet. But please stop blaming teachers if your child cannot read! Stop blaming others. Stop and look at yourself. Are you being a good role model to your own child? Dear parents, you are the best teachers your child have. Not that one person whom they stay with for 6 hours, 5 days a week in a classroom.

Dear parents, you are the best teachers your child/children can ever get.
posted from Bloggeroid

Series of Realizations on my First Year of Teaching in a Public School (Part 1)

Sunday evening. MRT, homebound.

B: So, what do you wanna do after this two year fellowship?

Me (without even thinking): I just wanna find a job that would make me rich!

B: You see, this experience is really an eye-opener! Being poor sucks!

Hmm.... I don't wanna linger on her last statement. I'll discuss that some other time.

Me: A teacher can only do so much. Aside from us, there are other factors affecting this entire system. Kids happened to be the victims. Parental education should really be a priority, should include population education and family planning. Voters' education too. We need government officials who will really support education.

B: That is so smart! What you said are all true!

Me (in my head, wanting to scream at her face): I know, and being poor doesn't suck if you must know!

But no, I just kept silent.

Seventy days or lesser, SY 2013-2014 is about to close. My first year of teaching is about to commence. First half of my fellowship is about to be completed. Signing the commitment letter for my final year of fellowship is something I am still thinking of.

I thought, when I signed up for this, I knew what I had signed for. All I wanted to be is a teacher. I had never thought that it will be this hard, emotional and financially-challenging.

Times up for now.

( be continued)

posted from Bloggeroid

Why I Write

It's been a year now since I started this blog. How time flies! It's been a year and I'm still here. Writing. Reading. Sharing. Commenting. B*tching around as if I have the guts. Hahaha..

I used to have an archive of the posts I had done with the late Friendster. Influenced by my first boyfriend then to blog about my life, I was able to compile a good collection of daily stories and reflection way back in college and on the first few years of work. However, with the passing of time, breaking up, shutting down of Friendster and mourning of my young heart, I decided to totally forget all about it. None survived. That was like 7 or 8 years ago.

Dang! This backtracking makes me feel so old! Maybe I should stop right here.

But no, let me proceed.

Write. Erase. Write more until you get it right.

My desire to write is usually pumped up by deep emotional turmoil or intense happiness. All I know is I had to let it out. And writing had been an avenue for me to vent it all out. Until now, that's why I write here. Sharing my experiences to others really never came into my mind until I gained followers. Funny, coz I never really see these posts of mine worth-following or worth-reading by others.

So for those who take time, took time and still comes back here, thank you, from the bottom of my heart  

Year 2013 and blogging had brought a lot of many great memories for me. I had come to know wonderful writers. I laughed, cried, related, empathized with a lot of other experiences. I had the chance to join an outreach through PBO. I am happy to see that the organization is growing so fast and many are very much willing to share their resources for its success. 

I had made friends just by clicking and reading other people's pages. I even received unexpected gifts! How cool was that! I can never thank you all enough! 

I really want to meet other bloggers especially those whose pages I follow. I want to personally extend my admiration about what and how they write. Maybe exchange opinions regarding common issues and LEARN. It feels good to be able to talk to brilliant people, especially if they had no idea how brilliant they are. 

I can never claim to have creative writing juices in me. I just write what I can. I used to dream of having a published article in one of the prestigious newspapers in the country. For now, it's still a dream. Who knows, I may fulfill it this year. If not, then maybe the following year. Hashtag Never Say Die. For now, let every piece of writing be a document of what happens with my life as an individual, a girl, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher, ultimately, as a dreamer.

1.13.2014 Randomthoughts



1. Andaming papel. Pwedeng checkan nyo ang sarili nyo.

2. Bakit ganito? Pag hindi ko sila kasama, nasasabi kong wala na ang puso ko sa ginagawa ko. Pero pag andyan na sila, nasa harap ko, nakatingin sakin, di ko mapigilang ngumiti at i-push ang sarili kong gawin nang maayos ang dapat kong gawin..

3. May darating bukas, 1.14.2014, hindi tulad nung isang taon na pag-uwi nya, excited ako noon. Ngayon, hindi ko alam. Ayoko syang makita, pero alam ko sa sarili kong gusto ko pa din syang makita.

4. Nasabi ko na sa kanya ang dapat kong sabihin, at masaya na sya, at kelangan kong panindigan ang sinabi kong masaya ko para sa kanya.

5. Ang kulit nung transferee, ayan tuloy, naiwan syang cleaners.

6. Gusto ko na lang mag-color nang mag-color.

7. Gusto ko na lang magbasa nang magbasa tapos magsulat nang magsulat nang walang katuturan.

8. Sana isa ko sa mapiling volunteer para sa summer training.

9. Namimiss ko na si Hippie, yung widescreen, yung Lightroom, yung mga pictures, yung mga movies.

10. Hindi ko rin gugustuhing tumira sa Baguio kahit gusto ko ang lamig doon. Parang mas nakakalungkot ang weather.

Matutulog na ko. Maaga pa bukas.
Oo nga pala, 14th na bukas, darating na sya.


Time Alone

I was digging into my email for a copy of my resume and got this....

Sent on 3/7/2012, antagal na pala. Makapag-emo nga muna... hahaha....

It's been almost two years now. Minsan sa buhay ko, na-in-love ako, nakasakit ng damdamin at nasaktan in the end. But that doesn't stop me from loving again. As to when, only time can tell.

Dear ____,

I am so sorry for everything. No words or thing could ever equate to the pain and havoc I had cause to your heart. This is me, trying to pick up the pieces of myself and trying to be a better person that I can be after all those mistakes I had done. I am sorry if I had stopped you from being happy with someone else, it was the selfish me who was talking back then. I am sorry for causing you so much confusion for I myself was lost and don't know what to do. 

I am sorry for letting you be part of my misery. When all of these had started, all I was wanted was to be happy. To be that girl a man could ever need. I was blinded and made a fool out of myself in the end. 

My healing will take a little while, that I know. I am back to my old self. Afraid of commitment. Scared to trust someone else and scared of a man's touch. As I look around me, I am quite so blessed with a lot of people who care about me, my family, my friends and used to be you. But I can't depend on you anymore at this of my life since I was the one who broke your heart.

At this moment, I am so so sad but I had to fight the urge to get in touch with anyone else but myself and God. I had to be alone coz that is the only way for me to start getting back on my feet and move on. All I am asking from you is for you to include me in your prayers coz that's the only thing that keeps me sane and strong. I am also praying for you that you forgive me for all the pain I had caused you and that you find true happiness that I had never been able to give you. 

I also wanna say sorry to that girl who had comforted you while I was not by your side. Not that I want to see you ending up with her, but I know I had said bad words to her. I hope she stops bugging you for the mean time, coz just like me what you need is some peace and quiet. 

For now, I am fighting the urge not to talk to you or to anyone else and I can say that it is really hard but I have no choice. 

I miss my old self more than anybody else. 

Please take care of yourself. I am not there anymore to nag you and fix your stuff. You are always a special part of me.

God bless you. 

Loving you so much,

Alam ko may mga love letters din ako noon. Makalkal nga. 


Pauwi na ko sa bahay after my afternoon tutorial job nang may makasalubong akong isang matandang lalake, may bitbit na itim na plastic na estante na may apat na palapag.

Unang tingin ko pa lang, alam kong inilalako nya ang estante, pansin ko din ang pagod sa kanyang mukha dahil sa buong araw na paglalakad.

Tinanong ko, "Manong, magkano po yang cabinet?"
"Php 1,200 kapag hulugan, Php 520 kung cash,"....
"Kung ako sayo mam, i-cash mo na, ang laki ng matitipid mo." Bibong sagot nya.

"Ay, Php 300 lang po yung bili ko sa ganyan ko eh, tsaka kulang na po ang paa ng cabinet nyo."
Sabay turo ako sa ilalim na bahagi ng estanteng tinda nya.

Tatalikod na sana ko, at maglalakad pauwi, pero nagsalita ulit ang matanda, "Bibilhin mo ba ng Php300?", "Eh kulang po ng paa," Sagot ko.

Pero sa isip ko, gusto ko nang bilhin. Mareremedyuhan naman yung paa nun. Tatanggalin ko na lang, para pantay lahat. Tamang-tama ang estanteng iyon para maayos ko ang mga libro ko sa kwarto. Namimiss ko na silang makita nang nakahanay at hindi nakatago o di kaya ay naka-kalat sa iba't-ibang lugar.

"Eh wala po akong dalang pera dito, maglalakad pa tayo papunta sa bahay ko." sabi ko.

"Ayos lang yun. Sanay naman na ako maglakad."

Habang naglalakad, nagkukwentuhan pa rin kami ni Manong.

"Ilang taon ka na Ma'am?"
"Hulaan nyo po."
"Haha, binibiro nyo ko, pero gusto ko yan!"
"Oo nga po Ma'am, mukha kayong bata pa."
"27 na po ako."
"Alam mo Ma'am, tinatyaga ko talaga tong trabaho ko kasi nagpapa-aral pa ko."
"Ah talaga po, ilang taon na po sya?"
"19 na, at magte-teacher ang kurso nya."
"Ah teacher din po ako, hindi lang halata."
"Hay mam, yung panganay ko, pinag-aral ko pero nag-asawa kaagad. Yung bunso naman, sobrang pasaway, nag-iisang lalake kasi."
"Ano pong trabaho ng asawa nyo?"
"Cook sya sa restaurant,"
"Ok po yun ah, di kayo nagugutom,"

"Dun sa isang pinaglakuan ko, sabi nung isang nakausap ko, dapat daw hindi na ko nagtatrabaho nang ganito."

"Ilang taon na po ba kayo?"

"55 na ko,"

"Ka-edad nyo po ang tatay ko, pero CPA po sya. Pero di ko din maintindihan, mas gusto nyang kumayod gamit ang tricycle namin tuwing umaga."

"Napapagod na talaga ko Ma'am pero anong magagawa ko, may binubuhay akong pamilya."

Di ko na alam ang isasagot pa sa puntong ito. Derecho na lang sa lakad.

Lumiko na kami, lakad pa ng konti papunta sa eskinita, papasok sa street kung san ako nakatira.

"Dito po kayo mag-aabang ng tricycle mamaya kung gusto nyong sumakay na lang pauwi"
"Ay ma'am sasakay talaga ko, masakit na ang tuhod ko."

Konting mga hakbang pa at nasa gate na kami ng inuupahan kong bahay.

Pumasok na kami sa berdeng gate at tumapat sa pintuan ng aming bahay.

"Dito po kayo nakatira?"
"Opo, nangungupahan lang naman po ako, may mga kasama ko."

Pumasok na ko, kinuha ang estante, habang inaabot ang bayad, tinanong ko sya, "Gusto nyo po ng tubig?"

Parang nahihiya pa sya. "Sige po Ma'am."

Tumalikod ako at kinuha ang perang pambayad, kumuha ng isang basong tubig, bumalik sa pintuan at inaabot ang bayad at ang tubig para makainom si Manong.

"Makakauwi na po kayo nyan. Wala na kayong bitbit."

Isasara ko na sana ang pinto, pero sumenyas ang kamay nya at meron pa syang sasabihin.

"Ma'am maraming salamat po sa kabaitan nyo. Hindi kayo nagdalawang-isip na patuluyin ako sa bahay nyo. God bless you po. Ako ay isang tao lamang na naghahanap buhay. Yung ibang mga tao kasi na sa ganito nakatira, ayaw nilang magpapasok kasi akala nila magnanakaw. Ako, nagtatrabaho lang naman ako. Salamat po talaga."

Ano dapat ang sagot ko?

"Naku, ako nga po ang dapat magpasalamat kasi binigyan nyo ako ng discount."

"Pag may nakita po akong paa, ihahatid ko po dito."

"Wag na po kayong mag-abala, ok na po ito. Ingat po kayo pag-uwi."

Tumalikod na si Manong, at isinara ko na ang pinto. Umakyat sa hagdanan bitbit ang aking bagong itim na estante. Tinabi ko sya sa lumang estante ko, mas malaki tong bago kong nakuha, medyo nakonsensya ko. Binarat ko masyado si Manong, pero kung tutuusin, di na rin naman mabibili yun talaga kasi nga kulang na sa paa.

Naalala ko bigla ang parents ko habang iniisip ko si Manong. Anong klaseng anak kaya ako para sa kanila? Nararamdaman kaya nila yung pagsisikap kong maging mabuting anak at kapatid para sa mga kapatid ko?

Takteng estante to. Lakas maka-emo, kulang naman sa paa. Ok na din, may bahay na ang mga libro at mga anek-anek. Hindi na pakalat-kalat.

Let's start kickin!

The sun had risen on the east where it always does. I still breathe the same air I had breath last 2013 with additional smell of black powder due to the firecrackers used to welcome the new year. With additional task of cleaning out the remnants of those firecrackers too.

The one thing that makes it different is that new light of hope the new day brings-- the new year brings. Another chance. Another hope. Another opportunity.

The Old and New

Last year, I had only planned of renewing my PRC license just to keep it updated but I got more than that. I was given the opportunity to be a teacher. It was not an easy task.

This year, I am given another chance to continue the battle against ignorance together with other transformational teachers who dreams of changing the Philippines through education. Battling ignorance in the midst of sea of corrupt leaders is a collaborative effort and we had just started rocking the boat. It is a long process and every year that we continue to sail away towards a better Philippines, there is hope for this country.

Last year, I hoped to travel abroad. It never happened.

This year is another opportunity to plan about it, eventually, make it happen. Never say die.

Last year brought a lot of emotional turmoil in several aspects of my life. As a teacher, a daughter, a sister, a friend or simply being an individual who questions her own existence and real reason for living. But I surfaced victorious after every challenge. Found purpose in what I do. I am very grateful to a lot of people—friends and family who had helped me all the way and made it possible to conquer my fear and doubts. Ceaselessly reminding me of the many whys of the things I do and telling me that I am never alone.

This year, I still hold on to those reasons and to those persons who trust me and my abilities. We are all on these together. I will continue to find reasons that make my life worth living and worth writing for.

As 2013 ends, I leave behind all the emotional baggages, negativities and disappointments the past year had had for me. With open arms, heart and mind I wake up to a 2014 with renewed strength and hope.

Last year I vowed to love myself. I tried, yet, I live not for myself but for others.

This year, it's going to be a selfless year. I vow to extend myself to every one I can share it with. Be it my family, new kids to teach, friends-old and new and to people I just met.

Another chance to change for the better. As I work with others in changing the Philippines, I gain chances to improve myself for the benefits of others.

Another opportunity to learn. As long as I'm alive, let me find pieces of learnings in the kids I teach, in my parents and siblings, in people whom I consider friends and foes.

Another hope for this world to be filled with overflowing love, prove how generous is our God and see different kinds of beauty in life itself.

2014, you left me with no other choice but to welcome you and whatever you have with you. With faith, love and hope, let me experience a kickass year!
posted from Bloggeroid